Would God Approve of My Wordplay?

       Our young rabbi Sam today told us in Torah study the actual first commandment God gave was "Be fruitful and multiply."

       We had some discussion, but I couldn't for the life of me get out of my head the cartoon I'd made  in an earlier printed calendar I did:
 

Pronouncing You Ready to Watch the U.S. Open

       Tennis is starting, and saying players' names becomes a challenge.

       Novak Djokovic is familiar, and we know that "c" is a [tsh] sound as in the word "itch."  So we can guess what to do with the "ic" in the last name of Milos Raonic.  But what about the "r-a-o-n"?  I want to say "rayon."  But no.  It's like "round" without the "d."

       The Croatian Marin Cilic is "serving doubles."  It's kind of like "itch" backwards, then forwards!
    
       I used [tsh] to show the pronunciation, but it's true.   Get the mouth ready to say the sound [t] (not the letter "t" but the sound [t] without the vowel sound "ee"after it).  Then make a half [t] and half [sh] ground together into the single sound [tsh].

       Now, you're ready for tennis!

      

      

Oh Well, Does Reality Ever Quite Match Fantasies?

       Wouldn't you know, when they finally come through with a Dick Tracy watch, the one thing it can't do all by itself is work as a phone!

       I was not a big fan of the Tracy comic strip growing up, but I think everybody was aware of the  fantastic watch.  Worn on the wrist, Dick could lift it toward his face and talk to anyone anywhere.

       Son David and I were reading and looking into videos about the Apple Watch; we are pretty certain that to make that wrist watch into a telephone you always have to have the iPhone in your pocket or nearby, and then you may want to switch to the iPhone to improve the sound!

      

Phone System, I've Got a Message for YOU

       It's nice to hear a human being speak.  That's why I don't mind a recorded voice on our phone system telling me, "You have three new MESSages."

       What gets me, though, is when that same voice then adds, "and four old MESSages."  The two halves of the information sound totally unrelated.  Why?   Because the emphasis in the second half reflects no connection.  Normal vocal utterance would acknowledge that "messages" had already been spoken of and call attention to the contrasting word.

        That word is "old" with "messages" less important as already having been said:  "and four OLD messages."  That does not happen on our machine.

       This is jarring every time I hear it because the recorded "human" voice announcing the presence of messages is frozen into unnatural expression! 

Clergy / Sermon in a Stone :: Blogger / Post in a Missed Word

       I was telling some retired colleagues by newsletter of this blog, which I've posted for a few years "on and off," but in my draft of the note, I wrote it as "onan/off."

       I suddenly realized that perhaps contained a confession, that I could be accused of onanism, the blog as an act of ego to satisfy myself rather than to share an insight with those who may wish to visit it.  After all, the Biblical Onan cast his seed onto the ground.

       Well, naturally, I almost instantly knew this had to go in the blog!

Reading at the Movies

       Connie, David, and I were watching a movie in our local theater, when I was suddenly aware there was a glowing light in my line of sight to the screen.

       I thought I was seeing some words, in white on black.  There were no subtitles. Wait, it was in the row just ahead of me.

       Oh, it was a smartphone, but why's the person read...?  Then I caught a word or two or three.  And a couple more.  They were the words of the dialogue taking place on screen!

        A device held at eye level to see the movie and glance at the words as they are spoken!  How great for those with hearing loss! 

        The Sunday afternoon audience...canes, walkers, and mobile scooters nearby...have another brilliant "work-around" for their bodily limitations.

R.I.P. Rio

       I suppose it will live on, leaving a bad taste in the minds of Brazilians about us Americans after the Rio Olympics--swimmer Ryan Lochte's drunkenness, gas station incident, and lying about it all.

       One could hope, however, that its grave marker will bear actor Joshua Molina's limerick from Twitter:

          There once was a swimmer named Lochte,
          One night after getting quite crocked, he
             Reported a crime,
             With detail sublime,
          But it turned out his tale was concoct-y
     

    

You Hurd Me Right

       A sub-headline in the L.A.Times Olympics section of August 18 had me puzzled:

       "U.S. women's hurders sweep"

Wait a moment, I know there are some odd or marginal sports in the Olympics, but do they really have competition in herding cattle?  I suppose it's equestrian then?  And I'm sure women are up to it as they are every other sport.

       Oh, "hurders," a misprint; it's "hurdlers."  Matching the misprint with a willing proofreader's error, I was quite ready to see "herders."

       Well, there are always new events in the Olympics.  Maybe we're not far away from that one.      

Also Known as "Gastro-Intelligence"

       The Betrumptive Candidate for president decided this week to switch course and "go with his gut," hiring new advisors who would support that new/old course.

       It was timely, yet coincidental, that yesterday my"Life's Little Instruction Calendar Classics, Volume I" by H. Jackson Brown, Jr., had this to say on its tear-off page for Friday, August 19, 2016:


        "There are situations when the advice to 'listen to your gut' should be ignored.  Sometimes, it's just heartburn."

  

The Calvary's Coming!

       Perhaps if I'd been brought up Christian, I would not always make the mistake of reading "Calvary" as "cavalry."

       I see proud troops ahorse, pounding to the rescue!

       Calvary is the ancient hill near Jerusalem where Christ was crucified, usually thought to have been called "Golgotha," a Greek transcription of an Aramaic word from the New Testament, and meaning something like "place of the skull."  That was translated into Latin in the Vulgate, becoming "Calvariae," and thence into English for the King James Bible: "Calvary." 

        Cavalry is from French cavallerie from Italian cavalleria and ultimately from Latin caballarius meaning "horseman."

       Now pardon me, please, as, heart thumping, I ride off into the dusty and obscure verbal sunset.    

Cellph-Own

       Using the microphone of my smart phone, I said "Cell Phone," and it came out "Self Own" as text.

       And why not?  The sounds themselves are exactly the same.  And running words together as we do when we speak, the smart phone heard it "right."

       Of course, such incidents, which happen with everybody once in awhile, can make you laugh...or even make you think a little.  Yes, the cell phone is markedly for one's self, one's own self, it's self owned, the cell phone.  The smart phone's "mistake" is making a good point.

       But this can become as egotistical as the selfie one can easily take with one's "self owned" cell phone.  The self-ie too is cellf-centered.

       It's all so cell-fish!

"Presumptive" No More

        In my mind,  he was "The Presumptuous Nominee."

        Now I guess I'd call him "the Betrumptive candidate," somehow suggesting a bellowing elephant asserting its tusks into the ring.

Fixer-Uppers May Go Well with Houses!

       The L.A. Times Sports Section on April 12th of this year seemed to me dead-on when it characterized the Dodgers management team.  It said they seem to believe in "reclamation projects." 

       All the pitchers they've hired have bad arms or bad arms in their history.  It's now four months later.  The club had been nursing along a pitcher who went on the mound for the first time this year on Sunday.  He gave up 5 runs and then fell on his hand, injured once again, to be removed from the game after one inning!

       I almost had to laugh at the Times's recounting yesterday of the Dodgers' 11-3 loss to Pittsburgh:

          "Anderson [the pitcher]...has been on the disabled list eight times in eight years and had elbow ligament-replacement surgery in 2011." 

Some Word Combinations Just Resonate

       I like my morning orange juice with pulp in it; I think my mom had said way back that it's better for you, which I learned later is endorsed by dieticians, probably because of the fiber.

       One brand I was using bothered me for some reason, and I switched to another which had three orange juice choices:  "Most Pulp," "No Pulp" and the one I picked, "Some Pulp."  

       The name always tickles me when I grab it off the shelf,  the association being with the wonderful words in Charlotte's Web by E. B. White when Charlotte the spider spins those words into her web to convince the farmer that Wilbur the pig is worth saving:  "Some Pig"!

Is iPhone Sensitive to its User's Feelings?

       I like that my iPhone, when it tells me the battery is low, gives me just one thing to click on:  "Dismiss."  It might have been "Close" or an "X" to click on.

       It's like saying, "We don't want to bother you any longer.  Just get rid of us."

       I associate the word with an officer in the military telling those under him who've completed an inspection or heard their orders:  "Dismissed."

       Or maybe a principal in grade school, having called you in for a reprimand, at the end of the interview saying, "You're dismissed.  Go back to your classroom."

       I guess I appreciate the "low battery" warning, but it does unnerve me a bit.  I am glad I can get back at the messenger with a "Scram!  Get outta here."     

        

"Quotidian": How Commonplace Can You Get?

       "Quotidian"--those big words from Latin to show off with, when it just means "every day."

       But it's fun to play with those Latin roots:  "dian" meaning day and "quot" as in "quota"--how many?  As many as day; so, as many days as you have or live, that's when these things take place, whatever you're referring to--"quotidian," they take place every day.

       Did you know your toothbrushing might be quotidian, your breakfast or lunch, your taking a walk?

       "What's your 'quota' of eating dinners?"  "I don't have a quota.  I just eat them every day."  "Ah."  

Placing a Name, Finally

       Coming back from my favorite beach on my favorite drive, I realize, maybe for the first time fully, "That's the canyon that gives the name to this road 'Malibu Canyon Road.'  That's Malibu Canyon."  (I usually just keep my eyes on the curvy road and the mountains.)

       And somewhat later I see the sign for "Malibu Creek State Park."  I've been in that park, and there is a creek in there, and that must be the one that goes through the canyon. so far below you hardly ever see it from the road.

       And that's the creek that gives "Malibu Creek State Park" its name.

       Lots of creeks, mine included...in my legs...after running at the beach in Malibu.

Conundrums Come in PAIRS