"Who(m) am I speaking to?"

       On the phone this morning, I needed to know the name of the party I was speaking to so I could ask for her when I called back later.  Which word would you choose, "who" or "whom"?

       I always convert such a question into a statement to "solve" it:  "I am speaking to who(m)."  I change the words to "he" and "him" and ask myself which sounds right.  If the answer is "him" as in this case, I know the "right" choice is "whom."

       But what did I actually say?  "Who am I speaking to?"

       For one thing, having two "m"s so close together ("am") is awkward to say.  For another, whatever the "rules" about objects of prepositions, common usage is, and should be, a great arbiter of what is permissible in language.